Bringing up children is a difficult task, especially given the demands and stresses of our modern world. Many parents are floundering and are uncertain as to 
how to nurture their children correctly.
The issue of discipline is a particularly ‘thorny’ issue.
Generally speaking, most parents grew up in homes where corporal punishment was the ‘acceptable norm’ – it was used as the primary method of discipline and training. But now the government has not only banned corporal punishment in schools but is also introducing legislation which will even ban the use corporal punishment in the home.
Many parents are horrified at this because, to many, discipline means spanking and without spanking there is no discipline.
What is discipline?
The definition of the word discipline is ‘training to act in accordance with a set of rules’. We are therefore training our children to act in accordance with the rules of our family and those of the greater society within which we live and participate. Can this training be achieved without the use of physical force and degrading punishment? Well yes it most certainly can – I have three adult children who are well adapted, law abiding citizens. As children they were well behaved and I never remember being embarrassed by their misbehaviour in public places. My husband and I trained them but we did not ever use physical force.
Training and nurturing our children:
Children learn by example.
As parents we should be constantly aware of the example that we are setting our children. Do we respect the rules of the road? How do we speak to other people… and to our children? Do we model the values and behaviours which are endeavouring to instil in our children. Or is it a case of ‘do as I say and not as I do’.
Routine and predictability.
Children feel secure in an environment where there is predictability – where the same things happen on a regular basis – supper, bath time, bedtime and so on should happen at the same time almost every day of the week – allowing for some changes over weekends as children get older.
Consistent communication regarding rules and expectations.
Children need to know what is expected of them – that is the rules of the family. Family rules should be respected, adhered to and supported by both parents. It is confusing for the child if the rules keep changing according to the mood of the parent.
Positive re-enforcement of good behaviour.
The positive re-enforcement of good behaviour is more successful than the negative re-enforcement of bad behaviour. In other words praise is more effective than punishment. We work better if we are rewarded for our efforts – this is true for both adults and children. Good behaviour should be recognised and acknowledged. Acknowledged by a smile, words of praise or even at times a special privilege – being valued and acknowledged is important to everyone.
This all provides a good foundation for successful discipline in the home.