Most people dread the prospect of getting old – but it is an inevitable part of life. Dr Mario Martinez, a clinical neuropsychologist in USA, has done extensive research around the aging processes. His view is that while we may have a biological predisposition towards certain chronic diseases, whether or not they actually manifest in our bodies is largely determined by the mind/body interaction and communication. Dr Martinez believes that communication between our minds and bodies are dictated by our cultural expectations and beliefs. The messages we receive and accept from authority figures for example parents, teachers, doctors, religious leaders and so on are internalised. We accept and embody messages throughout our lives and these impact our physical health. In fact statistics reveal that around 25% of disease can be attributed to actual physical defects and the remaining 75% is emotionally and culturally driven.
This is where working with an objective other person such as a therapist can be helpful as it is possible to change our wrong beliefs to more healthy ways of thinking and interacting with ourselves.
The change however has to be more than a mental change and should be embodied by our physical being – it requires more than positive thinking and mantras. There are techniques which allow this to happen and we can experience lasting change.
As part of his research Dr Matinez interviewed centenarians (people over 100 years of age). He selected those who were still living active, fulfilling, joyfilled lives. He found some common traits.
They looked after themselves
At a first glance this may sound selfish but in reality it is wise. These people are boundaried. Self-value to this group includes self-caring. They are willing to help others but there are healthy parameters. They respond to emergencies but not to selfish demands and manipulation – they manage ‘toxic’ people (techniques for this can be learnt). They work with others but their sense of self remains firmly intact. For example Dr Martinez asked one of the participants if he could meet with him on Saturday morning to which the centenarians replied that it was not suitable as he has a dancing lesson. He demonstrated that he was not prepared to give up something he enjoyed when the interview could take place at another time.
Healthy centenarians are able to feel and express righteous anger. They can work with their anger and let it go. Suppression or denial of anger is extremely detrimental both to our physical and emotional health. Acknowledging and releasing our anger is a skill that can be learnt.
Another trait of centenarians is that they accept and respect their bodies. Beauty to them is more than looks. Even past 100 years they see their bodies as being beautiful and they see beauty in others. And they consider 70 years of age to be young! When asked what age was middle age a centenarian replied that he did not know as he was not yet dead – he would only then know where the middle of his life was! Age therefore does not define these people. Their lives, activities and expectations are not dictated by their age
They are their own best friends and because they know how to look after themselves emotionally, they are able to live life to the full.
They worked to achieve competence
The people interviewed had achieved competence in their careers. They were not necessarily high earners but they were skilled in their jobs and had been respected in their place of employment. They remain active even in their old age. While they may change focus, they are all still vitally involved in learning and in serving society. These people do not believe in retirement and to them age does not dictate ability, competence or value. Their lives are not defined by their age.
They are able to give and to receive affliative love.
This is love that includes social and emotional bonds and it allows for support and affection. Successful centenarians can both give and receive meaningful, healthy love. Healthy relationships require that as we relate to ourselves and care for ourselves so we are able to relate to others by both giving and receiving.
We cannot do for others what we do not do for ourselves – and we should never try to compensate for another person’s emotional woundedness or pathology. Similarly others cannot meet needs in us which we should be meeting in ourselves. Healthy, fulfilling relationships that bring lasting joy always stem from a place of self-understanding and self-care.
While all of the people interviewed ate wholesome diets, there were some who smoked and some who drank alcohol. However, there was moderation in that neither the smoking nor the alcohol intake was excessive. They were all physically active but the activity was something that they enjoy – gardening, walking, dancing, gym and so on. Clearly these people lead balanced, psychologically and socially whole lives. The good news is that according to Dr Martinez, it is never too late to make the changes that will allow for physical and psychological health in our old age.
References
Taken from Lectures by Dr Mario Martinez.